Introducing the Witness or Observer Self
Being present with people, giving them our complete attention, opens up a channel of communication. It is a gift. People appreciate it when other people actually pay attention to them.
But not everybody knows how to pay attention. It is easy enough to say, “Pay attention.” That does not necessarily help. While some of us pay attention spontaneously, for others it can be helpful if they are introduced to the possibility.
Here here’s an approach.
- Introduce people to the concept of the Witness or Observer Self.
The Witness, or Observer Self, is the part of our psyche that can observe precisely what we do without judgment. We might say that it is right next door to the Critic, which sees the same thing and sometimes gives us holy hell for it.
To help this become a usable skill, let’s add an exercise that activates the Witness.
2.
Pick an interesting object, perhaps a leaf or an ornate old bell. Commit to paying attention to it for, say, four minutes.
Give yourself the inner instruction:
When my mind goes away, I will notice that it has gone away, and bring it back.
Of course, the mind will wander. Notice this. This noticing is using your Witness capacity.
By doing this short exercise the idea of using the Witness shifts from being an abstract concept to being part of their repertoire of skills.
People can apply this when they are talking with friends and business colleagues. They notice when their mind is gone away. Perhaps they are marshaling counter arguments to what their friend is saying. Perhaps they are thinking about dinner.
Noticing that our mind has wandered, we have the possibility of returning to paying attention.